Dealing with grief: Those who deeply grieve the loss of a loved one represent a large portion of the mail sent to "Afterlife Phil G". One such enquiry recently is from a lady who doesn't want to be named, but she deeply and profoundly grieves for the loss of her mother. Caring for her until the end, but unable to be there for the final moments, she is distraught, and wants to know how to deal with her grief and move on, when she feels so deeply that she will never be able to. Phil answers with comforting advice about spirit contact from the Afterlife.
Thank you for your enquiry. I understand this is a sad time, and different people deal with grief in different ways. In my own case, when I lost my mother, although I was naturally upset, I felt it was all right, that she was all right. And somehow she was around. I can't describe it as being any more than that. At that stage, I didn't really have any signs of proof and I was not what people would call psychic then, but I just felt she was all right and around.
The loss of a loved one can be devastating. They feel their loved ones are out of their life permanently, and they are very sad. I receive many enquiries from people who are deeply distressed at the passing of a loved one. One of my very early clients when I first started doing readings, back in 2005, was a lady who deeply missed her husband. When I was sitting with her, I had the overwhelming feeling, deep down, she KNEW he was around but was afraid to admit it or accept it - she much be crazy to think such a thing. Because she was overwhelmed with grief, she couldn't deal with and couldn't believe that he might be around. I think this is a common occurrence with those who are so deeply distressed, that they miss the signs. Perhaps not even signs, but rather their own inner feelings that the person they miss is around.
There's a story about a man being rescued in a flood which helps to illustrate the point here: He was stuck in a flood and he was standing on the roof of his house. A man in a boat came past and offered him a ride to safety. He said: "No, thank you, I am waiting for God to rescue me". Not long afterwards as the waters rose higher and higher, another boat comes past and again he is offered a ride to safety. And again he declined the offer, saying that God will rescue him. Eventually, with the water at the top of the roof of the house where he's standing, and with his feet in the water, a helicopter comes past. They lower the rope ladder down; a rescuer climbs down and offers a ride to safety. Again he declines, saying he knows God will rescue him. The water comes up higher; the man's washed away and drowns. He goes to the pearly gates, and when he's there he is very upset. He demands to know why, when his faith was so firm and so solid, why wouldn't God rescue him? The reply? "We tried to rescue you three times but you would let us!"
I strongly believe this is what happens with spirit contact from loved ones who have crossed over. I believe they are trying to come through to anybody who is either missing a loved one who has crossed over, or needs to be warned or guided about something. And that's irrespective of whether you believed in an afterlife, and spirit contact or not. In the same way as electricity doesn't care whether you believe in it or not. It will still kill you if you touch it. You're belief or otherwise, in electricity running through a power point is irrelevant. And so too with spirit contact from the afterlife.
When I help people to deal with grief, how to cope, how to get on with life, I always share this advice: They're still with you, and you're getting signs from the ones you miss, now. Now I do understand that contacting someone in the afterlife is not nearly as good as having them here in the physical world, beside you, when you want them to be. However, I have found that understanding that they are still around, and that they are contactable by you, and you can verify that you're not imagining it, is of enormous relief to so many people I help. I know it's not the same as them being here with us physically. Nevertheless, I know from all the thank you letters and e-mail's, that my ideas have helped many. I want to help you.
I rarely do "readings" now due to time demands, but when I reply to feedback on spirit contact (afterlifephilg.com), I sometimes get a specific comment, to say to that person to help verify that I'm not just making this up. It's not like a "reading"; it's just a little statement that comes out of the blue. And more often than not, I get a reply email saying that was wonderful, because it confirmed I wasn't just making things up. But that's not how I want to help you now. I want you to know they're around, and confirm it yourself.
If you grieve the loss of a parent, child, partner or friend, such as the lady who wrote to me recently, who misses her mother so terribly, my advice is this: Put aside your grief for a moment. Grab something that reminds you of him. In my video "CoffeeTime" (there is a link from my website to the video), and also in my Book "Soul Matters - you can talk with the ones you Miss", I talk about setting up a reference point. It can be something that reminds you of them. It could be a coffee cup. It could be a photograph. It could be a piece of clothing. It doesn't matter what it is, it just needs to be something that helps you feel them near you. On my CD "Contacting The Afterlife - A Spoken Beginner's Guide" I t you step-by-step through this process, and that makes it very easy, particularly for people who don't feel they can do this themselves, to make their own connection and verify it. When you're holding or looking at this object, think about them, talk to them, as if they're here right now.
The film "PS I love you", which came out a few years ago and is on DVD shares a wonderful example: The girl who has lost her husband in the film talks to him as if he's really there. It doesn't feel old or strange to her. She doesn't really worry about whether it's real or not. She just does it. That's what I want you to do. Talk to them about things in your life, things that are happening, things that happened in the past, good times, fond memories, some funny things that you did together. And just enjoy the experience as if they're there. You will probably feel overwhelmed. Not with grief, but with a feeling that they really are with you.
But I want you to go further. I want you to approach the whole exercise as if it's real. Whether you believe this or not. When you've finished talking to them, thank them for the experience and for the time spent with you. I'm not worried at this stage whether you believe this is possible or not, I just want you to do it.
You will find each time you do it the experience becomes easier and the contact more recognizable. In my book, and particularly on my CD, I share specifics about the questions I want you to ask, to verify your experiences are real. But you will find after awhile, you won't even need to verify. That's because you'll know the difference between thoughts that are in your head and feelings that seem to hop out of nowhere into your mind. There is a difference. And to start with, you may not recognize it. But if you keep doing this you will.
If you follow my advice, have a look at my website on spirit contact (afterlifephilg.com), my YouTube video, or think about obtaining my book or CD: you'll begin to understand that you don't need to grieve for them as much as you do. Miss them? Certainly. But it eases the pain and is enormously comforting to know the ones we miss, when they die, it's not the end. So to the lady who deeply misses her mother, and for anyone who is reading this article, who has had a son, daughter, parent, brother, sister, or friend pass away: You can understand that they are still wish you and I hope I can help you to understand that you can connect with their spirit and confirm it. Take Care, Phil G.
Thank you for your enquiry. I understand this is a sad time, and different people deal with grief in different ways. In my own case, when I lost my mother, although I was naturally upset, I felt it was all right, that she was all right. And somehow she was around. I can't describe it as being any more than that. At that stage, I didn't really have any signs of proof and I was not what people would call psychic then, but I just felt she was all right and around.
The loss of a loved one can be devastating. They feel their loved ones are out of their life permanently, and they are very sad. I receive many enquiries from people who are deeply distressed at the passing of a loved one. One of my very early clients when I first started doing readings, back in 2005, was a lady who deeply missed her husband. When I was sitting with her, I had the overwhelming feeling, deep down, she KNEW he was around but was afraid to admit it or accept it - she much be crazy to think such a thing. Because she was overwhelmed with grief, she couldn't deal with and couldn't believe that he might be around. I think this is a common occurrence with those who are so deeply distressed, that they miss the signs. Perhaps not even signs, but rather their own inner feelings that the person they miss is around.
There's a story about a man being rescued in a flood which helps to illustrate the point here: He was stuck in a flood and he was standing on the roof of his house. A man in a boat came past and offered him a ride to safety. He said: "No, thank you, I am waiting for God to rescue me". Not long afterwards as the waters rose higher and higher, another boat comes past and again he is offered a ride to safety. And again he declined the offer, saying that God will rescue him. Eventually, with the water at the top of the roof of the house where he's standing, and with his feet in the water, a helicopter comes past. They lower the rope ladder down; a rescuer climbs down and offers a ride to safety. Again he declines, saying he knows God will rescue him. The water comes up higher; the man's washed away and drowns. He goes to the pearly gates, and when he's there he is very upset. He demands to know why, when his faith was so firm and so solid, why wouldn't God rescue him? The reply? "We tried to rescue you three times but you would let us!"
I strongly believe this is what happens with spirit contact from loved ones who have crossed over. I believe they are trying to come through to anybody who is either missing a loved one who has crossed over, or needs to be warned or guided about something. And that's irrespective of whether you believed in an afterlife, and spirit contact or not. In the same way as electricity doesn't care whether you believe in it or not. It will still kill you if you touch it. You're belief or otherwise, in electricity running through a power point is irrelevant. And so too with spirit contact from the afterlife.
When I help people to deal with grief, how to cope, how to get on with life, I always share this advice: They're still with you, and you're getting signs from the ones you miss, now. Now I do understand that contacting someone in the afterlife is not nearly as good as having them here in the physical world, beside you, when you want them to be. However, I have found that understanding that they are still around, and that they are contactable by you, and you can verify that you're not imagining it, is of enormous relief to so many people I help. I know it's not the same as them being here with us physically. Nevertheless, I know from all the thank you letters and e-mail's, that my ideas have helped many. I want to help you.
I rarely do "readings" now due to time demands, but when I reply to feedback on spirit contact (afterlifephilg.com), I sometimes get a specific comment, to say to that person to help verify that I'm not just making this up. It's not like a "reading"; it's just a little statement that comes out of the blue. And more often than not, I get a reply email saying that was wonderful, because it confirmed I wasn't just making things up. But that's not how I want to help you now. I want you to know they're around, and confirm it yourself.
If you grieve the loss of a parent, child, partner or friend, such as the lady who wrote to me recently, who misses her mother so terribly, my advice is this: Put aside your grief for a moment. Grab something that reminds you of him. In my video "CoffeeTime" (there is a link from my website to the video), and also in my Book "Soul Matters - you can talk with the ones you Miss", I talk about setting up a reference point. It can be something that reminds you of them. It could be a coffee cup. It could be a photograph. It could be a piece of clothing. It doesn't matter what it is, it just needs to be something that helps you feel them near you. On my CD "Contacting The Afterlife - A Spoken Beginner's Guide" I t you step-by-step through this process, and that makes it very easy, particularly for people who don't feel they can do this themselves, to make their own connection and verify it. When you're holding or looking at this object, think about them, talk to them, as if they're here right now.
The film "PS I love you", which came out a few years ago and is on DVD shares a wonderful example: The girl who has lost her husband in the film talks to him as if he's really there. It doesn't feel old or strange to her. She doesn't really worry about whether it's real or not. She just does it. That's what I want you to do. Talk to them about things in your life, things that are happening, things that happened in the past, good times, fond memories, some funny things that you did together. And just enjoy the experience as if they're there. You will probably feel overwhelmed. Not with grief, but with a feeling that they really are with you.
But I want you to go further. I want you to approach the whole exercise as if it's real. Whether you believe this or not. When you've finished talking to them, thank them for the experience and for the time spent with you. I'm not worried at this stage whether you believe this is possible or not, I just want you to do it.
You will find each time you do it the experience becomes easier and the contact more recognizable. In my book, and particularly on my CD, I share specifics about the questions I want you to ask, to verify your experiences are real. But you will find after awhile, you won't even need to verify. That's because you'll know the difference between thoughts that are in your head and feelings that seem to hop out of nowhere into your mind. There is a difference. And to start with, you may not recognize it. But if you keep doing this you will.
If you follow my advice, have a look at my website on spirit contact (afterlifephilg.com), my YouTube video, or think about obtaining my book or CD: you'll begin to understand that you don't need to grieve for them as much as you do. Miss them? Certainly. But it eases the pain and is enormously comforting to know the ones we miss, when they die, it's not the end. So to the lady who deeply misses her mother, and for anyone who is reading this article, who has had a son, daughter, parent, brother, sister, or friend pass away: You can understand that they are still wish you and I hope I can help you to understand that you can connect with their spirit and confirm it. Take Care, Phil G.
About the Author:
Dealing with Grief: Much of "Afterlife Phil G's" mail is from people who are dealing with grief. One lady recently wanted to know how to cope with the loss of her mother and how to move on, when she feels so deeply that she can not do so. Phil answers with comforting advice about spirit contact to help those dealing with grief. More at afterlifephilg.com
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